By Hours of mind-numbing, ceremonial contemplation had passed. Oxolob threw back the hood of his pink-and-purple checkered robe and looked about the Chamber of Observance to give his eyes a much-needed break. The relic remained unmoving and pristine, as it always had been. It was safe within the energy field that Oxolob’s relatively primitive people did not create and had yet to understand.
“Oxolob, you have gazed in wonder at the Holy Sandwich for long enough,” said Steve, having returned to the chamber. “It is my turn. Move aside so I may observe its satisfying combination of healthy salad options, premium cheese and exotic ham.”
“Finally! I’m totally bored of looking at the Holy Sandwich,” said Oxolob as he walked around the chamber to stretch his legs and back.
“Blasphemy, Oxolob! How could you be bored with our sacred duty?”
Steve placed the hood of his blue-and-red striped robe over his head and took up the position of Watcher that his partner had vacated.
Suddenly, a bright, all-consuming light engulfed the small room, which quickly tightened to focus on a spot just in front of the Holy Sandwich. The two Custodians quickly backed away.
“Oxolob! You broke the Holy Sandwich!”
“I didn’t touch it!”
Before them appeared a being of such glorious magnificence that the two acolytes barely had time to gather their wits and arrange themselves into the formal Twisted Breadstick of Greeting.
“I am the Sandwich Maker. I am come to offer you a reward for your people’s diligent guardianship of the Holy Sandwich,” said the Divine Entity who then directed its gaze at Oxolob. “Nice robes, I prefer the traditional look too.”
“Oh, Sandwich Maker,” said Steve, jealously trying to gain the being’s attention, “we would be honored to receive any gift that you might bestow upon us in your benevolence.”
“Yeah, just one moment,” said Oxolob. “Before you get to the gift giving, could you maybe tell us why the sandwich has been here all this time and why we are worshipping it?”
“Shush Oxolob,“ said Steve in a harsh whisper, “you know Scripture tells us not to look a gift sandwich in the filling.”
“Shush yourself, Steve, I’ve been staring at this thing for years as part of my holy duty, but I don’t know why we do it. And my back is killing me!”
“What difference does it make, Oxolob? What else would you do with your miserable life? You’re too uncoordinated for sports, your breath stinks so you’re unlikely to attract a mate and your dress-sense will leave you an outcast from the rest of society forever. Really, pink-and-purple checkered robes are so last century.”
“The Sandwich Maker likes them.”
“What would he know about fashion? He’s dressed in all-white.”
The Divine Being, the Sandwich Maker, watched this exchange and decided he’d had enough. “Ah, guys, I’m right here. Kind of rude to talk about someone when they are in front of you.”
Steve pushed his fellow acolyte aside and addressed the divine entity directly.
“I wish for knowledge. Please share with me the ability to create a tasty sandwich at home for my wife, children and pet hamster.”
“I cannot, for your people do not yet possess even the technology to create a biscuit with salt-reduced butter,” said the Divine Entity. “Choose again.”
“What about a hammer with a hooked bit on the back to take the nails out again?”
“No.”
“Cure for the plague?”
“No.”
“A Labradoodle?”
“What’s a Labradoodle?”
“It’s a tiny dog. A cross between a Labrador and a Poodle. They’re very cute and well-behaved.”
“No.”
“Enough!“ Oxolob interjected. “So, what exactly can you offer your people, who have diligently watched this, admittedly, miraculous sandwich, sit here for countless centuries doing nothing?”
“This new pony.”
Another flash of light brought forth a pure white pony, heavenly of spirit and only slightly lumpy.
Steve fell to his knees in supplication. “Thank you, oh Great One. We shall feast upon this divine pony and celebrate your goodness.”
“Um, it’s not for eating,” said the Divine Creature. “The children of the village can take turns riding on it.”
“Yep, sure, that’s probably a better idea,” said a chastised Steve, casting a shamed glance at Oxolob.
Before any further discussion could ensue, the being ascended on a beam of pure light, leaving behind the two dumbstruck Custodians and the pony.
The sandwich remained within its protective energy field and refused to offer the dizzy pair any guidance. Centuries-old sandwiches can only do so much.
*
The setting sun lingered over the western reaches of the town, which was soon to bear witness to a uniquely different transition between the Daytime and Nighttime Custodians.
Steve remained shaken by both the encounter with the Sandwich Maker, and his horribly incorrect assumption that the Divine Gift should be eaten. He silently gave thanks that his people had yet to develop the technology to capture such moments for future review and ridicule. Only Oxolob would ever know.
In turn, Oxolob realized that Steve was right: the people had too much faith in the institution of the Holy Sandwich, so the truth had to be managed carefully. Since sandwiches made in the town were consistently terrible, the 10% discount the Custodians enjoyed was important to hold on to.
The pair stood at the top of the temple’s stairs and gazed at the smattering of townspeople below, who had come to witness the evening transition ceremony. Further down The Great Lane of Sandwich, Soteron and Panagiota could be seen walking towards them, adorned in their brightly coloured robes. Each favoured stripes, as did Steve.
In moments, the four Custodians of the Holy Sandwich stood facing each other and began the Transition Ceremony. The Poses of Hello and Hello to You, Too were exchanged and, at the appropriate moment, Soteron and Panagiota asked their solemn question, “What interesting events have occurred during the last half-daycycle?”
Rather than immediately offering the traditional response, “not much, thanks for asking”, Oxolob and Steve looked at each other apprehensively. A ripple of surprise passed through the townspeople and visitors gathered below. None had ever witnessed any variation in the traditional Transition Ceremony. The Custodians’ hesitation prompted some to tightly grasp the Holy Sandwich medallions they wore around their necks. Others grimaced nervously as they nibbled on their terrible Sacred Pinwheel Sandwiches with three unknown meats and questionable mustard. Oxolob and Steve stepped apart, and a glorious white creature was seen to be standing behind them. Its pure white mane dazzled in the last beams of daylight that swept across the town. The Daytime Custodians took stock and intoned together, “Interesting events have been documented in the Great Log of the Holy Sandwich…and we got this new pony.”